Small blessings.

I have recently been given the ability to peer into my life. The retrospection has been big. It hit me with everything it had to offer, and I can look back with a big smile. You see, we can all live a life, but we can’t all live it well. And when afforded the opportunity to go back to the start, well, I think I will. I’m glad not to be running in circles in a room, watching my life unfold on a television, unable to do much about it. Running on the treadmill of life, another step, another breath. I’m so glad that isn’t me. And as I look back at things, at what coulda been, I can’t help but imagine what mighta been. There’s a different me, and I’m proud of the person I’ve become. Because I could have been sucked into something different, and not know the difference. That’s the scary part, not really knowing the difference. But I’m not better, no, just different. And thankful for the difference. Because nothing else compares to being happy with who you are, and who you know you will become…nothing.

This is supposed to be a blog about writing. And in order to write, a writer must understand themselves. That is what I am working toward.

 

Life as a dog…

So I’m trying to get back into the blogging thing. It’s been a while, and well, teacher, I’m tardy. But to be honest, my inspiration has been lacking, and I have no audience, so where’s my motivation again?

Its within. And its been a copout to say anything else.

So onto the next thing.

I was over at a buddy’s house tonight, watching his dog. While I was there, I was really trying to figure out how to get my fantasy football scores up on my computer, and how to get the Internet running on my laptop. Also, I had turned on the TV in hopes of catching the big Minnesota vs. Green Bay game, but the TV wouldn’t work for me either. So I was left with small blips of audio here and there, and a dog. And me and the dog kept sharing looks. She was bored, as was I. She was waiting for something to happen, as was I. She was excited for a treat, as was I. And I started to think about what life would be like if I were a dog.

I’m gonna imagine I’m a dog now.

Oh boy oh boy. Someone’s at the door. I need to bark so my master will hear me. I need to let him know that I am attentive, and who the hell is this guy all loud and noisy trying to sneak up on my lawn anyway?

Wait, my master’s leaving. Where…where’s he going? And whose this idiot whose watching me? Excuse me? I need to bark my disapproval…nothing. Nothing at all. I could pee in his shoes…but I won’t.

LATER

I gotta pee. I’m gonna yap until I get his attention. Whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa. And what makes you think I can understand that silly language of yours? I hear you talking but you ain’t sayin’ nothing…

I gotta pee. I’ll stare at him.

I gotta pee. I’ll whine by the door. Whoa. That pillow belongs on the couch bud…

I gotta pee and now poop. He’s not watching. Come on dude, I gotta go. For reals this time.

He’s not looking. I’m not sure what to do. I know. I’m gonna fart. I’m gonna fart next to him. I’m gonna sit down right here next to him and…wait, wait….ahhhhhh. Now look directly at him. Wait. wait…come on….

Dammit, he got up to go to that other room and run his human faucet. Its not fair. I wanna run my doggy faucet. Bastard.

I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay. He just sat down. I’m gonna curl up next to him. I’m gonna squeeze and….uh…ahhhhh. Yes. Oh, wait he just looked at me. I don’t know what he said, but I heard my name. Yes. Victory. We’re goning outside!

OUTSIDE

Oh boy. I’m so excited to be outside. Never give a dog too much water or…..ahhhhh.
I hope he doesn’t take me on the short walk. I’m gonna hold out on him if he does. I can wait to go poop, I really can. In the meantime I’m gonna sniff at everything.

Oh hey, Max from down the street was just here. His master gave him beef.

Sniff, sniff, sniff. Oh wait, that’s Hugo. I hate Hugo. He bit me by my collar once. I’m peeing directly on his pee. Teach him to come into my part of the neighborhood!

And while we’re walking, I’m gonna walk up every walkway I see. Why? I dunno, because I can. Wait, watch this, watch this. I’m gonna walk up and bend down like I’m gonna poop….and then…I’m not. Ha! Look at him get so excited!

Okay, now I’ve really gotta go. I’m looking…circling…looking…no, not there. Okay, onto the next yard. Looking, sniffing, circling…there. There. Wait for it. Wait…oh yes….

you know what I love about this gig? That guy at the other end of the rope? He’s gotta stop and pick it up. He’s got to literally bend down and pick it up. My poop. Yuck! Ha. I’m gonna pretend I’m gonna go a couple more times and watch him bend over and look for it, then take off.

I can’t wait till we get back, I wanna treat…

And so on and so forth.

Well, that’s what I saw when I dogsat for my friend’s dog…what do you see?

 

Me against the world…

Music has always been a large part of my life. No matter where I’ve been, and at what time, there’s always been music to accompany it.

One of my favorite summers was when I returned from Korea and chose to move back in with my mom and younger brother in Nashville, TN.

He taught me a lot that summer. Before I moved out from LA to Korea he was barely driving, barely had a grip on the music he liked, barely knew anything about women, barely knew what it meant to be someone. But he was on the verge of finding it all. When I returned from Korea he was driving a nice car, had his music picked out – which we will talk about soon, had a woman and lost his virginity, and had found his place in the world…had allowed his teeny rebellions lead him to the proper place in his life at that time.

When I got back from Korea, he and I didn’t really have a lot to share. We were in two different places in life. He was finding out who he was…I was looking for myself. He drove me around town. We checked out the cool places, the spots where we could play football, basketball, volleyball…finally frisbee golf. But one of the best things about that summer, is my little brother was jamming out on the same music I had fallen in love with while in college. Tupac mostly. But we would roll around town singing “Me Against the World” with our fists up, understanding exactly what Tupac was singing about. And somewhere within the days of that summer, I found my brother. The same little brother whose 18 years younger. Same brother who I had no association with in any way, except the same mother. Same brother I used to pick on all the time because he was the little guy that annoyed me. The same guy who now drove me around, showed me his town, cranked Tupac, and understoodd what it was like to finally feel freedom. That summer I not only gained my bearings once again in life, I also gained a brother.

 

In The Works…

So, I know, I’m no good at writing to the crowd. The masses, and I’m working on it, seriously. You know, the interesting thing about a blog is that you really have to keep up with things, or you lose your audience. Which I think the only 2 people reading this are Steve and Gayle T, and so for this I thank you.

I’ve recently had some big things in the works. I just wrote a short that I’m planning on shooting by Thanksgiving, which has gotten rave reviews thus far. It’s a small part to a bigger whole, but something that I am excited to invest my time and effort into.

As well, I’m working on the script mentioned in the previous blog, and…

A friend has combined a group of people to work together on a low budget project that will scare the shit out of you, and I am assigned as one of the writers on the project. The inspiration came from Paranormal Activity, and we decided we can make a full budgeted movie from a smaller budget with a bigger impact.

New things on the horizon.

I’m planning on posting the process as it occurs, so check out the blog if you have the time, and thanks for reading…

 

Had a Dream…

The mind works in mysterious ways.

as many of you may know, I am a self-proclaimed screenwriter. I have been paid, once, for writing, and so technically I am a (working) screenwriter, though it certainly is not my job (yet).

Unfortunately for the last 6 months or so I have been on a dry streak. Road block? This has been a drive-around-the-state-to-get-home sorta road block But that’s the way it works sometimes. The hardest part about writing for me is coming up with gripping enough stories to write, not creating the stories themselves. I can write just about anything once I know the parameters of the story. And lately the floodgates have opened.

I had a dream the other night. After 6 months of no inspiration whatsoever I had a complete script unfold within my dream. However, while dreaming, I reached the point where my conscience told me it was only a dream and to not wake up. And so I finished the dream as an observer. As soon as I woke up from the dream, I immediately walked over to the computer and laid down an outline. I called my brother to help fill in the political gaps, and within a couple hours of waking, I had a new script to write.

It’s pretty amazing how the mind works sometimes. It really wants to work for you, even if you decide to block it from doing what its supposed to. I’m chalking up my road block to something I did, not something my mind was trying to do. I was very excited to find inspiration once again, and am excited to get it all written out. I’ll keep you posted. But overall, the point of this is, in life when you are meant to do something, it will come to you. I have read so many stories of people who have wanted something so bad, but could not come up with the solution, only to have it come to them in passing…their mind working to make it happen. So keep working on whatever it is you are working on, and if you can’t get it? Don’t worry, it will come to you if you were meant to find the answer.

The logline to the script: Two Irish Brothers want to get rid of the IRA gang that ruined the border town neighborhood they grew up in, only to find their own bloodlines run deeper than they realized…

I’ll keep you posted.

Until then…

 

Tussle Time!

So I’ve been thoroughly frustrated lately with work. Can I say that? I just did.

Will I do anything about it? There’s a new resume in the mix.

How many egomaniacs does it take to run a company? Duh, none. They’ll love themselves so faqr outta the company it won’t matter anymore.

I was dealt a fairly devastating blow today. While I was having a “conversation” with my boss, he dropped the F-bomb on me…twice. And I have to ask myself, what cross of professionality does this mofo bear? Like more of a Chuck Norris cross who kicks everyone’s ass, or more of a Michael Scott (from The Office) cross? I don’t care what school this man went to, he skipped out on Ethics. He was out getting rejected by his cheerleader girlfriend when they discussed the proper way to treat your employees. And as I was dealt this double fisted blow, I was forced to summon up the sensei and reassess my life and think…I wanna tussle. I wanna feel pain. I want to create it. I wanna understand what its like to spit blood and bask in the damage I’ve done. I want some sort of primal satisfaction. I wanna tussle.

I loved Fight Club, and have loved it forever, I want it to have all my babies. But the recent events only shed light on how brilliant Jim Uhls (and Chuck Palahniuk) really are to capitalize on that one moment when we feel the ultimate frustration and turn it into something we all really would perceive as a legitimate way to get a fix on our frustrations.

That’s the genius behind great writing. I’ve really missed it, but I’ve really been holding back a lot of what I’ve been wanting to say. Why? Because I have felt carefree and reckless this summer. Because there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to share. Because there’s a part of me that’s been saving up for something big.

You take your pick, and when you’re ready to discuss, bring your sparring gloves and a towel, I’m ready to tussle for the answer.

I want you to hit me as hard as you can…

 

Been ages….

Yes, its been ages since I’ve actually sat down to write in this blog. This summer was a whirlwind of events peppered in with all sorts of surprises. I have to say, overall, it was a fantastic summer, one of the best in ages. It reminded me of those summers I had as a kid that I thought would never end. Alas, this one is winding down, but am looking forward to looking back and reflecting on it. So, humble apologies for my lack of show, and I will get back onto the writing train.

I went on a road trip this week. The first road trip I had been on in ages. Mostly because I used to drive a green beaten up VW Jetta – The Green Goblin – and, well, it wouldn’t make it out of the city of LA, let alone on any road trips. however, that all changed this summer as I finally got a new car, and it was time to take a trip. I had yet to drive up the coast here in Cali, so my girlfriend and I drove from Los Angeles, through Santa Barbara, up to Santa Cruz (the surf capital of the landlocked US) and then back down. Why not to San Fran you say? Well, because we didn’t feel like we had ample time to explore SF and that will be dedicated an entire week when the time comes.

I used to love road trips. growing up in Indiana where the roads are windy and their end is unknown, we used to road trip all the time and try to get lost, only to realize where we were when the road finally hit a turnpike or highway. There was something about not knowing where you were going and heading that direction as far as you can. It was the first time I realized how small the world really is. Because no matter how far we thought we had gone, sooner or later something would look familiar and everything dumped onto a Stat Road of some sort, and we’d find our way back home. But now that I’m in LA its a bit different. There are some places you don’t wanna go on a road trip. There are certain places you don’t wanna get lost in. And the terrain is a complete concrete jungle. So the idea of driving around in the Green Goblin wasn’t too appetizing. And so I was incredibly excited to take a road trip with the new car.

There’s nothing like the expanse of the open road. Especially up and down the Pacific Coast Highway. Chilly breeze blowing in off the coast with that ever slight hint of fog and haze. The lines in the road, the reflectors at night, egging you on, summoning you to greater lengths and speeds. That state of serenity as you step on the gas and hit your turn signal to cruise past the guy in front of you. The radio drowning out the sounds of the wind. There’s a moment while you’re on the road in the middle of all this when you look up at yourself in the rearview mirror and think, “God this is beautiful”.

I hadn’t been able to do that in quite a while, and I missed it. It gave me the spirit I needed and had been searching for. It sparked my desire to get behind the computer again. It woke me up to the things that have been lacking in my life. It provided me with inspiration and thought…in some ways, it gave me fulfillment.

I’ll be back on the blog soon. There’s a lot to talk about, and I look forward to presenting it to you.

Until then…

 

HBO returns thoughts…

So I had sent my pilot over to HBO a month or so ago and had not heard anything, which wasn’t a big deal, as it usually takes much longer. They loved it, they chomped on it for a couple weeks, and seriously considered it, but as it was a period piece, and they don’t have a whole lot in the pipeline, they’re not willing to put the franchise on a show written by a rookie writer. Ok.

But they did say they were very excited about it, and when they finally get some ratings up, they want to “reassess” the idea. Fine by me.

They were so impressed with the writing though, they are going to call agencies and try and set me up with one. Score! They were also so enthused with my writing that they wanted to open their lines to me and anything I come up with that is easier to shoot, they would want first look, though they’re not paying me any money for this. Creative juices must begin flowing.

So that is where I am at. I may be out of commission this summer for a while. Might be time for a good long thought exploring trip.

So that’s the gist.

I’ll keep you posted.

 

Updates…

So things have turned out in a most unexpected way for me, and I must say, the door to new things is definitely opening. I have to sit down and think about some of the things that I had set in my New Year’s solutions back at the beginning of the year. This year has been so discombobulated that it was almost jarring, and the final outcome of my recent month has been even more jarring. But I think that its for the greater good of me. As far as solutions go…

1) I started to read Catcher in the Rye when I last spoke of reading more. Wel, I never finished Catcher, but am working on it now. However, I have given a challenge to read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and, well, seeing as that I have more time on my hands, I have started the 1200 page book. If I read the pace I’ve been reading Catcher, I’ll be done in approximately 190 months…give or take (which is about 16 years). Seriously. But no, I have free time on my hands now. I’ll keep you posted.

2) I’ve been back to the gym for a month and a half now. I’ve gained 5 pounds. I’ve fairly satisfied with this outcome. I have been running 2-3 miles on my days of not going to the gym. Why? who knows. But I am.

3) On Flickr i wanted to make 10 photos into Explored before the end of the year. I’ve already made 8. So I’m gonna have to work on better goals here. I have decided to enter a photo contest for Digital Camera magazine, and will spend atleast 2 hours a day getting to know my camera. This will take me back to my military days when we had to sleep with our weapons to get to know them better, and no, pervs, I didn’t do anything nasty.

4) My work on Photoshop and Final Cut have been lacking. Like, since February, non-existent. So I’m working on Photoshop tutorials. As well, I’ve got an HVX that I’m shooting a bunch of stuff with. The first looks like a reproduction of the Office Space Fax bashing scene with some friends of mine from work. As we were all “let go”, I did in fact steal a printer (sorta), that we will in fact destroy it. I am very excited about this, as it gives me the opportunity to work in 60 fps – that’s frames per second for all you non production types – and will keep you posted. This will be part of my Final Cut work.

5) I’m working on finding my spirit. Though I’m so much of a free spirit, that is still a difficult task. Others are helping though. i’ll keep you posted.

The wind of change is sweeping through my village and its time to move on. Let’s see what happens.

On other notes, good news on HBO, but that will have to wait for another day….

 

A lot on my plate…

So things have been a little crazy these days, a lot on my plate. But I can choose to be pissed off and worried about it or I can plan how to change things for the better. So…

Soon I’m gonna be unemployed soon. Boo. Yeah, well, I guess that’s the way things work these days right? Luckily for me its more of a hiatus. We stop shooting June 13th and don’t come back till September 1st. Most productions go on hiatus, so this wouldn’t be a big deal. However, our production decided not to tell us until May 25th, which gave us exactly 3 weeks to save money for a 75 day hiatus. Um….not nearly enough time to save up. So why am I plastering this across the Internet for everyone to know? Because its time to restructure my life, and what better time to do it?

So, I’ve been working on this idea for an interactive blog, and would like some thoughts if you have the time.

I’ve been trying to put a writing website together with a friend of mine, Mike. He’s a novelist, and does journalistic features for various online magazines. He also teaches writing classes at Asher University. So we’ve decided to put together an interactive website in which we have bloggers send in pictures, songs, or the first couple paragraphs to a story (or a combination of the three) and Mike and I actually write short stories based upon what you, the bloggers send in. Sometimes Mike and I will choose the same subject – voted on by the bloggers/readers (you) or ourselves – and Mike and I will write separate stories, and the audience can see how different the stories turn out. Overall its really an exercise to sharpen our creative skills, and practice different types of storytelling. As well, it allows us to have samples of our work, when needed. Finally, it allows you, as our audience, to participate and helps create a community. Eventually once Mike and I have locked in an audience, we’ll start taking submissions and we’ll have the bloggers/audience vote on them…or we’ll vote on them, and eventually we’ll create a writing community where we will have a following and a group of writers. Eventually, IF it all works out as planned, we might try and make a publishing company out of it, making a book out of the short stories posted…a best of if you will. And we’ll see how it goes from there. But we’re trying to take advantage of word of mouth by the Internet, and blogging audiences.

Right now its gonna start off as a blog. However, this summer as I am unemployed, I will learn a bit of Illustrator and build an actual website. This will be a launching pad for the writing community we hope to create. And when I say writing community, I don’t mean specifically for writers, I also mean for readers and bloggers. See, we want as much interaction as possible from you. We want feedback, thoughts, a high-five, submissions, pictures, all sorts of things. And we let you retain all rights to everything you put on our site. We have NO desire to make money from any of you until we get into the publishing phase and that could take years. But for now, our biggest concern is designing a creative community. These days, communities are important. Socialization is important. What better way to get people involved in something that pulls people together, gives them something to look forward to.

The other reason I’ve thought about doing this is because the art of short story is nearly dead. Not too many people work in the form of O. Henry, Chekhov, Poe, in creating short stories. And with the Internet and crazy schedules everyone has these days, people rarely sit down and take the time to read an entire book anymore. We thought we’d take advantage of this.

We’re gonna try it for a year, and if it doesn’t work, then we’ll shut it down and atleast it will be a good experience. But I’ve not seen nor heard of anything like it on the Internet and am very excited. So stay tuned. I am excited for this venture, and hope you will join me.

I’ll keep you posted. Until then….