So I’m trying to get back into the blogging thing. It’s been a while, and well, teacher, I’m tardy. But to be honest, my inspiration has been lacking, and I have no audience, so where’s my motivation again?
Its within. And its been a copout to say anything else.
So onto the next thing.
I was over at a buddy’s house tonight, watching his dog. While I was there, I was really trying to figure out how to get my fantasy football scores up on my computer, and how to get the Internet running on my laptop. Also, I had turned on the TV in hopes of catching the big Minnesota vs. Green Bay game, but the TV wouldn’t work for me either. So I was left with small blips of audio here and there, and a dog. And me and the dog kept sharing looks. She was bored, as was I. She was waiting for something to happen, as was I. She was excited for a treat, as was I. And I started to think about what life would be like if I were a dog.
I’m gonna imagine I’m a dog now.
Oh boy oh boy. Someone’s at the door. I need to bark so my master will hear me. I need to let him know that I am attentive, and who the hell is this guy all loud and noisy trying to sneak up on my lawn anyway?
Wait, my master’s leaving. Where…where’s he going? And whose this idiot whose watching me? Excuse me? I need to bark my disapproval…nothing. Nothing at all. I could pee in his shoes…but I won’t.
LATER
I gotta pee. I’m gonna yap until I get his attention. Whoa, Whoa, whoa, whoa. And what makes you think I can understand that silly language of yours? I hear you talking but you ain’t sayin’ nothing…
I gotta pee. I’ll stare at him.
I gotta pee. I’ll whine by the door. Whoa. That pillow belongs on the couch bud…
I gotta pee and now poop. He’s not watching. Come on dude, I gotta go. For reals this time.
He’s not looking. I’m not sure what to do. I know. I’m gonna fart. I’m gonna fart next to him. I’m gonna sit down right here next to him and…wait, wait….ahhhhhh. Now look directly at him. Wait. wait…come on….
Dammit, he got up to go to that other room and run his human faucet. Its not fair. I wanna run my doggy faucet. Bastard.
I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay. He just sat down. I’m gonna curl up next to him. I’m gonna squeeze and….uh…ahhhhh. Yes. Oh, wait he just looked at me. I don’t know what he said, but I heard my name. Yes. Victory. We’re goning outside!
OUTSIDE
Oh boy. I’m so excited to be outside. Never give a dog too much water or…..ahhhhh.
I hope he doesn’t take me on the short walk. I’m gonna hold out on him if he does. I can wait to go poop, I really can. In the meantime I’m gonna sniff at everything.
Oh hey, Max from down the street was just here. His master gave him beef.
Sniff, sniff, sniff. Oh wait, that’s Hugo. I hate Hugo. He bit me by my collar once. I’m peeing directly on his pee. Teach him to come into my part of the neighborhood!
And while we’re walking, I’m gonna walk up every walkway I see. Why? I dunno, because I can. Wait, watch this, watch this. I’m gonna walk up and bend down like I’m gonna poop….and then…I’m not. Ha! Look at him get so excited!
Okay, now I’ve really gotta go. I’m looking…circling…looking…no, not there. Okay, onto the next yard. Looking, sniffing, circling…there. There. Wait for it. Wait…oh yes….
you know what I love about this gig? That guy at the other end of the rope? He’s gotta stop and pick it up. He’s got to literally bend down and pick it up. My poop. Yuck! Ha. I’m gonna pretend I’m gonna go a couple more times and watch him bend over and look for it, then take off.
I can’t wait till we get back, I wanna treat…
And so on and so forth.
Well, that’s what I saw when I dogsat for my friend’s dog…what do you see?